I hate the "green" trend. You know what I am talking about. Those canvas tote-carrying hippies are quick to point a finger at their every interpretation of environmental neglect. But what really blows my smokestack is the fact that these bozos are full of their compost. A trend is short-lived, no different from tight-rolled jeans and Boyz II Men. Various media sources have speculated (and I am paraphrasing here) that going green is not just a fad... it's a way of life for those who have realized the errors of mankind. I, however, feel the need to hate. The only reason why Green Freaks recycle is so that they can shun those who don't. They add "Think before printing this e-mail" to their e-mail signature to be recognized by others for their attention to such earth-friendly detail. They shop at Whole Foods with reusable bags and pay $3 more per gallon of milk because it lacks BGH. Where has this gotten them? The prevalence of diseases such as autism have continued to skyrocket in the United States. Looks to me like that BGH-free milk is simply a waste of your hard-earned paycheck.
Personal story #1: I happen to belong to a certain website community dedicated to foods and the like. A month or so ago, a thread came up about 100-Calorie Packs and I openly shared my adoration for these convenient little marketing gimmicks. Marketing gimmick aside, 100 cal packs are seriously awesome. Anyways, some Green Freak responded with CAPITAL letters (as if I didn't already get her point) textually admonishing me for purchasing these tasty treats because "the packaging is such a waste," it made her sick. Packaging? When I'm strolling down the aisle of the grocery store, the least of my worries is how much packaging is used for food. The Freak went on to inform me that she "can count" and that she manually measures out 100 calories worth of Goldfish or almonds etc. I then went on to congratulate her on her counting abilities but, in fear of being kicked off the site, refrained from telling her where to stick her home-made 100 calorie granola bar.
Personal Story #2: Recently, I was chastised for tossing a cigarette butt onto the ground. Apparently, as I was informed, it takes 7 years to decompose. Fortunately for me, I don't care how long it takes to decompose. I have a lot of things to hate this world and adding "self hatred for littering" would overextend my hateration. Don't get me wrong- I'm not tossing water bottles or plutonium test tubes out my car window (mostly because I AM a law-abiding citizen). But, I'm not going around smelling my own farts because they taste like self-improvement either.
Hater Point: Keep your tree-hugging ideology to yourselves, ya damn hippies.
Personal Story #2: Recently, I was chastised for tossing a cigarette butt onto the ground. Apparently, as I was informed, it takes 7 years to decompose. Fortunately for me, I don't care how long it takes to decompose. I have a lot of things to hate this world and adding "self hatred for littering" would overextend my hateration. Don't get me wrong- I'm not tossing water bottles or plutonium test tubes out my car window (mostly because I AM a law-abiding citizen). But, I'm not going around smelling my own farts because they taste like self-improvement either.
Hater Point: Keep your tree-hugging ideology to yourselves, ya damn hippies.
